y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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