bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
