im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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