as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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