I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
