Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
