she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
