She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
