winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
