Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
