So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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