Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
