We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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