high people should be assigned attendants
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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