It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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