Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
