i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
