She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
