i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
