i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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