he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
