i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
