woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
