I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
