He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
