The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
