some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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