you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
