my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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