FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
