Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
