they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
