Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
