My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
