Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
