He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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