Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im holly from the hills drunk
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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