Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
