im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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