Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
