does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
