Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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