I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
