I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
