yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
