I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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