no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
