we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
