I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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