This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
