wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
