Can i not drive my cunt home
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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