So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sorry my hands just texted you
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
