I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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